in case you were wondering

things are still going remarkably well for my brother. tomorrow should be his last day in this phase and from there he'll move onto the next step of his treatment which i would expect to more than hellish for him. the part where he has to dig deep. figure out why he started doing drugs in the first place. address feelings. it's never been his favorite thing to do. funny part is, as a child, i was the one that could always find the words for him - i understood him better than his own parents do. i'm really looking forward to the day when i can have a real relationship with him again.

i have to say. this feels beyond amazing to be out about this. it's been this dark, looming, self sabotaging darkness for a long time. to know that i'm not alone. to read your comments.

that's this amazing infertility community. we know darkness. we also know light & we respect all the stages in between - even if we have to keep doing them over and over and over again to get the end result. really amazing group of ladies.

i don't want this blog to become a place where i talk about my brother all the time. truth be told, it's a little consuming right now & that's why you're hearing about it. I also feel like I want to keep telling you guys so that this amazing juju you've been sending to our family, keeps coming.

but

selfishly, i still want this to be about me. the little life we're trying hard to create. we literally waiting on paperwork to be sent to the new office. what drives me nuts is that i don't understand why they want pictures of A's nuts from 4 years ago before they will proceed with IUI if we are using donor sperm. who cares? it's just dumb. it's so annoying. why should that stop things for yet another month? why is something always making us wait again and again. grrr.... I'm off all week from work so i'm going to call tomorrow and tell or i mean ask them if we can just get a move on it already :)

from the bottom of my heart. thank you. makes me so grateful.