giving thanks

it's the season to be thankful. i'd love to have a big pity party... but i'll do that tomorrow. tonight. i give thanks.

1. my marriage. not perfect. flawed. broken at times & carefully mended back together.
2. my husband. i have no idea what tree he fell off of but i often wish we needed eggs & not sperm - because they don't come better than him (except when he doesn't pick his clothes up or bites his fingernails)... giving thanks.
3. my legs. to run. run. run. exercise has kept me sane.
4. my nikon. my photography business is busy & it's a more than welcomed distraction.
5. my grandmother. seven miscarriages. she gives me hope.
6. my mother. her true & honest attempt to "understand" this year - made me realize i love her more now than i ever thought possible.
7. my big brother. same as my mom.
8. my best girlfriends. they listen.
9. my father. the most humble, kind & caring man alive.
10. my childhood.

true story

friday night. chicago. two amazing friends. one AM. we had dinner late - so we had a few glasses of wine - but nothing crazy. i'm talking IF. they listen. so well. like i said - amazing friends. i ask if they'd like to see a picture of our donor (we bought the childhood pictures). they said YES YES YES! so excited for us. i login to my iphone - our donor - fucking retired. not kidding. no warning. missed the opportunity to buy. retired. seriously. i'm about ready to lose my shit.

this is the song that will not end. it just goes on and on my friends.

i hope & pray that the families that already have kids with our donor were able to buy enough if they so choose to have the same DNA w/ their children - but this sucks.

don't you worry - i ordered a martini - this IF bullshit wasn't going to ruin a perfectly good night in chicago ladies.

switching gears

i'm so happy the elections are over. if there is one thing i can't stand more than people posting pictures of their kids in their cute halloween costumes - it's their political views. i don't want to hear about it. honestly. i grew up in a house with a democrat & a republican. for 38 married years - it has worked. our household is the same. one democrat - one republican. honestly - i could give a rats ass who you vote for but if you push it down my throat - i'll choke you :)

in our IF world - tomorrow we're going to another doctor - to approach this in a whole new view - a simple - thing for A to say - 'I don't feel well & my hair is falling out' - HELP.... maybe - just maybe - we can get to the bottom of this (a girl can have big dreams can't she?)

we also found a clinic where we'll do our next IUI - it's dirt cheap. i met a girl at a bar (don't judge) who used a donor - and she said that she gave me the number for the clinic. the women at the clinic talked to me on the phone yesterday for 25 minutes. she never tried to stop me. she listened - i know, can you believe it? amazing. now we have to get all the paperwork get it faxed over - and start over again with me...

Giuliana & Bill

anyone else watch them? they did ivf - they had a miscarriage.

it's sad right now. giuliana is trying to remain positive - bill is wanting to get a move on it right away again & friends are saying all the wrong things.

goes to show - the best doctors, the best care & a whole lot of money can't cure everything.

i wish there was a way for the IF world to reach out to her - to let her know we're here - and we get it.