ok ladies (and gentlemen) - prepare. if you aren't feeling 100% come back and read this when you are. with that being said - here goes :)
today we went to see a new urologist for my husband. he saw someone else when we first moved here but the guy had almost NO knowledge of male infertility and it wasn't a good fit. so once we decided that we were no longer going to do ivf - he said that A should no longer continue to take clomid, arimidex or any other medications because of the long term effect on his liver & kidney's (he was on them for three years) so with that - we also decided it was time for a new doctor.
one of my friends husband's is a radiologist - so i emailed her and asked if she could ask him for a recommendation. i think a lot of her husband and of her - so we went with it.
the doctor was late. not surprised.
here is how our conversation started.
doctor: so why are you here?
us: we've decided that we are going with a sperm donor and so we would like to get A on some testosterone replacement.
doctor: so wait - have you guys tried to have unprotected timed sex for more than a year?
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE MR! first - did you not look at the medical history before you came in to the room - did you not look at this huge binder with all of our information that i'm carrying...
well - my look must have said it all....
he simply looked and me and said "oh, you're way past that."
NO SHIT SHERLOCK.
he continued to interrupt us as we were talking, really questioned why were were there & wanted to know what we wanted done.
his voice was loud, obnoxious & egotistical. he was showing way too much chest hair. his bedside manners were lacking to say the least.
and then... yep... he did it.
he made A "drop your trousers" - no big deal - we've done this before.
but then....
made him bend over at the table.
WITH ME IN THE ROOM
A has been stuck in janitor supply closets jacking off for another SA (true story) - he has carried one too many "cups" to the front desk & endured so much in all of this - but bending over at the table - was one thing they never did - and one thing he was not expecting today.
With the whimper & tear in my A's eye - I have to say - I lost it - Seriously lost it - I acted like a three year old. I couldn't stop laughing - I couldn't believe this was happening. I was in shock. Why didn't he ask if I wanted to leave the room. SERIOUSLY?
I guess the doctor really needed to get it out of his system.
This is what happened next...
Doctor: so what do you want? why are you here?
(ps - i don't fuck around; i don't beat around the bush & i certainly don't take bs from other people)
me: listen (stern and in the eyes) - we want a baby. if i can have a baby with my husband's dna - that's what i want. right now we can't - so we are using a donor. if you'd take the time to look at these SA you'd see that since 2007 & with all kinds of medication my husband still has 0 motility. his volume is .5 at best - his testosterone is terrible - his morphology is 0 & you're the doctor. do you know something we don't know? we'd like some answers. why is this happening?
in that instant - his voice changed. his tone lowered. he started to make eye contact.
damn straight boy - you just stuck your hand where the sun don't shine - and - he didn't like it.... you better listen up.
so - this week A will have some more blood test done. if his testosterone levels are still really low then we'll start with some replacement therapy (the reason we didn't do this before is because it kills the few he has - and if we were going to do ivf - we couldn't do that). if it's normal - some more testicular testing - we just want an answer - and i just want to get laid unexpectedly again - just like all the other if's out there.
That is beyond frustrating. I am so sorry for you both. I had not really known what the male factor issues for you guys were so it is good to have some insight. I hope that they get you some answers and that you guys can move in a direction that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to try to use your husband's sperm at all or stay strictly donor? Do these issues impact him in other ways aside from fertility?
Thinking of you.....
omg - that story is insane. INSANE! Could that dr have any less bedside manner? I am SO impressed that you stood your ground and said what needed to be said. I can't seem to get past sitting there with tears running down my face at each appointment. You RAWK - and I want you to come to all of our future appts to be our advocate!
ReplyDeleteFor what it is worth, can I offer some unsolicited advice? You could get a free phone consult with either Dr Schegel (sp? at Cornell) or Dr Paul Turek (the Turek Clinic). It might be worth having someone who deals with these exact issues have a look at your husbands file and chat for a few minutes. We actually had to travel to see Dr T, but it was totally worth is, imho.
wishing you the very best, my friend. - xoxo - foxy
Stumbled onto your blog from LFCA...
ReplyDeleteI've been dealing with TTC almost 6 years with MFI (acute prostatitis, low testosterone, DNA frag).
I've been there/done that with the hubby's exams. I end up going to as many of his doctor appointments as possible since I'm also pretty straightforward-cut-the-bullshit type that asks LOTS of questions. I know the hubby was embarrassed the first couple of times (who wouldn't be!) but I've dragged him along for some of my testing, so I figure it evens out. ;)
Hubby was put on clo.mid this year after discovering the low test/osterone - they didn't think to test that until recently but there were lots of other obvious issues I guess. He also was on the arim.idex as well but had to stop it after only a month or so as the side effects were awful for him.
I'm so sorry that you've been in it as long as you have TTC, and I do hope that this doc might have some insights and ideas on what to do for your DH's counts... or that your donor cycles works.
Nice to meet you, so sorry you're out here in IF land.